please don't kill me
by WALIXELA
Summary: Rikki and Zane make a big mistake, how will they fix it? Sensitive issues,including Abortion. Warning for younger readers! Rated T because of the issuesraised.
1. Chapter 1

"Come on Rikki nothing is going to happen, I swear to you, and if something  
happens I will protect you."

_**Thanks mom, to you and heaven,  
For letting me live,  
Here in your belly,  
And later be born.  
For loving me on the outside.  
Like I loved you from the inside.**_

Positive.

'Rikki how stupid were you when you decided to sleep with Zane without protection? Oh I'm an idiot how am I supposed to be a mom at seventeen? What am I going to do? What I will say to my dad and friends? What am I going to say to Zane? He says he loves me, he said that if i got pregnant, he was going to protect me. He is the father, he has to help me. I have to let him know what is going on.

_**You know mom, today i heard you again!  
You were arguing with someone with a deep voice,  
And later you were crying for me, because of him,  
Saying that i was going to be a nuisance for both of you  
**_  
"Zane I need to talk to you in private please."

"Okay! Honey, whatever you want." Zane smiled at her as they walked away,

"Well Zane I didn't get my period last month.." I started off,looking  
down at the floor,

"So you have to buy a pregnancy test." Zane told me, smiling,

"I already did Zane..."

"And what was the result?"

"Zane I'm pregnant with your baby."

"Rikki do you have any idea what you're saying?! I can't be a father at my age, why didn't you take the pill? This is all your fault! You have to have  
an abortion, I won't take care of this baby, Rikki you won't have this baby."

"But Zane i can't do that and by the way you were the one who insisted we didn't use protection, this is our responsibility." I said with tears  
rolling down my face, I couldn't believe what I was hearing,

" But you told me you were going to protect me if i got pregnant..." I whispered

"Oh come on Rikki I said that because i just wanted you to accept what i was saying, I wasn't thinking in that moment,. Just have the abortion, do  
what I say, it's easier for the both of us." Zane told me,

"I can't believe you Zane! I though you loved me, thought you cared for me but I was wrong all the time, you are an idiot!"

"Oh come on Rikki!" Zane told me while i was leaving,

My life is falling to pieces, and it is because of this baby, maybe Zane is right this baby is only going to be a nuisance.  
_**  
How are you mom I'm here once more  
Hearing you arguing with him again  
I am starting to think that you agree with him,  
And maybe I won't be born...**_

And here I'm again arguing with Zane about what to do with this baby. I haven't told my dad or my friends and i don't think i can tell them. I know my dad is going to be so disappointed, he trusted me and he can't afford another person in the house, and there are my friends they will think  
that i'm dumb, and i'm going to be the conversation of the town and scool, people will hate me i'm going to be the stupid, pregnant girl. Zane is right it will be more easy if i go into an abortion

_**Maybe you are right mom  
You know about this things  
You have lived and I never have,  
I won't be a nuisance i swear to you mom  
God will love us equally..  
**_  
Yeah. Zane is right this baby doesn't have to born. I don't have a job and neither does Zane. What kind of life is that for a baby? It's better if I  
have an abortion...

"Zane i have been thinking about this situation and i made a decision. I won't have the baby, you're right. I'm going to have an abortion.'

"See honey i told you! I will fix an appointment and next week you won't be pregnant. Everything is going to be perfect again, our lives are going to be normal again this is going to be our secret just between you and me."

_**I believe mom, I believe in God and you  
But i noticed a puncture, a large needle,  
It hurt and now i know that i won't be a nuisance at all,  
I won't see you, and now bathed in blood I am leaving you.  
**_  
And here I'm with the doctor, i don't like the look on his face, i don't like him, but i have to do it he says that this is not going to be painful for me, but what about the baby? Just do it Rikki, I can feel my whole body shaking as I think about what I am doing,

"Don't worry lady, I have done this so many times. When you wake up you won't have nothing inside you anymore!" The doctor said,

_**Good bye mom i will pray for you  
From here i forgive you even i've never saw you  
I'm leaving mom the blood fills me  
I know i'm never going to talk to you anymore.**_

And here I am, laying on a hospital bed almost dead because the "expert" wasn't exactly and expert. Zane paid for the cheapest doctor he could find and two nights later i woke up bleeding and burning in fever, but i deserve this, i deserve the silence of Emma and Cleo, i deserve the look of sadness and deception from my dad. I should have known they were going to support me but my insecurity and Zane's words were stronger.  
I'm really sorry but this won't bring my baby back i hope God will forgive me one day.

I hope my baby will forgive me.  
I am just as bad as that doctor and Zane.  
Unfortunately, I live in a society where what is not loved is killed...  
And I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

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**first thanks to Abzibop.x for suggesting to write this second chapter, second thanks to DoubleCaramel for ideas and 3th thanks to kaattee for helping me with this chapter and thanks for reading **

**ohhhhhhhh and please review**

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_Flashback_

_"So Zane, why do you want me to be your girlfriend?" Rikki asked. _

_"I don't know." Zane answered. He wasn't expecting that question.  
_

_"What? Then why have you been insisting so much? I thought you were different from the other boys, but you are just like them - a jerk who only wants me for one night!" Rikki said; she was really angry.  
_

_They didn't talk to each other until they arrived at Rikki's home.  
_

_"I don't want to be only your boyfriend; I want to be your life partner, your best friend - someone who you can trust. I want to be with you in every moment of your life, I want to be the shoulder that you cry on, and I want you to be my partner for the rest of my life." Rikki's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe what she just heard. But what she didn't know was that what Zane was telling her was only with his mouth and not with his heart. He only said that because he wanted her no matter what.  
_

_End of flashback  
_

Rikki remembered that day as she woke up. Everything was fuzzy when she woke up, but after a few minutes passed she started to remember everything. The memories started to appear in her head one after another.

She remembered how lovely Zane used to be with her, she remembered how she let Zane convince her that they should sleep together without protection and she had agreed. Even though she had been so careful with that, then the worst memories started to rush over her head: She remembered being convinced by Zane to go get an abortion and how two days later she woke up with the worst feeling she ever  
had; the feeling of dying and blame when she woke up in the hospital.

"So doctor, how is my daughter now?" Terry, Rikki's dad asked.

"Well sir, she is stable now even she though she lost a lot of blood." The doctor said.

"And can you tell me how that happened"

"Well this is common when girls don't take proper care of themselves after a surgery like that, and I think the doctor who did the abortion--"  
The doctor was cut off by Terry.

"Wait. Are you telling me that my daughter had an abortion?!" Terry was yelling now.

"Look, sir, I didn't know your daughter didn't tell you, and I'm sorry about that but you have to know that this is not only her fault. You don't know if it was only her decision or if her boyfriend made her do this." The doctor said in Rikki's defense.

Rikki's dad wasn't worried. He was angry, but he wasn't the only one who had heard the doctor. Cleo and Emma were there now, and they were shocked too. Rikki watched through the window and saw her father and friends' reactions. She watched as her dad left the hospital still angry, and she watched her best friends look at her with disappointment and then they left the hospital too. No one came back to the hospital for two days until her dad came for her.

They walked in silence to the taxi that was waiting for them.

"I'm sorry, dad." Rikki said. Her dad turned to see her with his eyes full of anger.

"Don't even try to talk to me." He replied.

"But dad--" Rikki stopped and her dad slapped her. She looked at the ground as tears started rolling down her face. As soon as they arrived at home she went to her bedroom. She hated herself for what she did, and she just wanted to sleep. That was the only way she could do to ease what she was feeling.

"Wake up. You have to go to school." Terry said.

She just looked at him; he had been acting so different the past few days. She didn't want to go to school. She was afraid that everyone in school  
would probably know what she did. She didn't want to confront her friends, she didn't want to see Zane, and Lewis… well, he called her a couple of times after what happened. He was the only one who didn't hate her.

Rikki felt a hole in her stomach as she approached to the school's door. She watched as Emma and Cleo passed next to her. They just ignored her, but luckily nobody knew about her.

Rikki felt horrible being alone all the day and as the day passed it was getting worse. She saw Zane holding hands with another girl as he passed in front of her, and he just ignored her. She wanted to burn him; a month hadn't passed and he was with another girl. Rikki decided to try to talk  
with the girls.

"Cleo, Emma – wait!"

"What do you want?" Emma asked. They stopped walking.

"Please forgive me! I know what I did was wrong, but I can't stand being without both of you."

"Look, Rikki. We are not going to forgive you, so back off." Cleo said.

"But we share this huge secret – we're best friends!"

"How you dare you say that!" Emma said as she slapped Rikki, "we are not friends anymore. I'm no friend to someone like you." Emma said as she  
walked away with Cleo.

**Rikki's POV  
**

As I walked home I couldn't stop the tears that were fighting to come out of my eyes. I felt horrible every minute and I wasn't able to handle this  
situation anymore. I was used to being a loner, but I couldn't handle the hate from my friends, and I couldn't handle my dad's anger - not anymore. As I entered the house I started to cry even more. I fell on my knees and I couldn't stop sobbing; I just let everything out of me.

"I just want to die, I hate myself!" I said as I stood up I grabbed my bag. Then I saw something that could help. I grabbed a piece of paper - at  
least my dad deserved an explanation for what I was going to do. As I finished the letter I grabbed the anti-freeze that my dad used in his motorbike this morning. I knew it was toxic. I knew if someone drank this, they could have a terrible death; a painful one. I deserved to die in the worst way possible. I took a deep breath and drank a big gulp of it, and then I went to my room and lay on my bed waiting for the pain. Suddenly I started to feel drunk. I tried to stand up but I couldn't - I just fell to the ground. My whole body started to shake and I couldn't control it. I went into convulsions and started sweating, then I felt pain in my abdomen the pain was horrible. I held my stomach until I passed out.

**Nobody's POV**

Rikki's dad walked in the house wanting to see his daughter. He couldn't pretend for one more day. The truth was that he wanted to hug her; to say her that he already forgave her, but he thought that this was the way to punish her.

As he entered he saw Rikki's school things laying around and saw a note on the table. He grabbed the note and started to read it.

_'Dear dad,  
I know that I don't deserve to even talk to you. I know you trusted me and I know I disappointed you. I know why you don't want to forgive me and I  
understand, but it is really hard for me not being able to hug you, to kiss you, to tell you how much I love you. I know it would be better if I disappear  
from your life. I want to tell you that I'm really sorry; that I want to go back in time and do the things the right way, but it's not possible. I came  
to the conclusion that no matter what, that decision will follow me for the rest of my life and I can't handle it. I decided that I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel pain. I just want to be an eagle and fly away. I hope you can forgive me one day._

_-Rikki_

"What did you do?" Terry said to himself as he ran towards Rikki's room.

**At the beach with Lewis and the girls**

"Don't insist about this, Lewis. We won't talk to her again." Emma told Lewis.

"But--" Lewis started when Cleo cut him off.

"Lewis, we won't change our minds."

"I know that, and you know what? I realized that Rikki made a big mistake." Lewis said.

"See? We are right." Emma replied.

"No, Emma. What I mean is that Rikki used to say that you were her best friends. But I see she was wrong - you are both just big fakes."

"What?!" They exclaimed.

"Yes, because it's supposed to be that best friends won't turn their backs on their friends who are in trouble. A best friend is the faith that  
gives us confidence to live; the one who helps us fight to find a way. Maybe Rikki made the wrong decision, but nobody is perfect." Lewis said as he walked away, heading to Rikki's house.

As Lewis walked in, he heard Terry screaming her name.

"Rikki, wake up! Please don't do this to me." He said, shaking her body.

"Rikki!" Lewis said as he took out his phone and called an ambulance. He was shocked. He never thought Rikki would do something like this, and he never though he could see Rikki like this - helpless, weak. He tried to help her while the ambulance was on its way, but Rikki didn't wake up. Finally the ambulance arrived and Terry went with her.

**In the ambulance**

"Rikki, honey, please wake up!" Terry said, when suddenly she started to convulse again. He was so scared that his daughter could die at any moment, and the ride to the hospital seemed eternal.

As they entered they took Rikki away from her dad. He wanted to go with her but the doctors didn't let him.

Lewis and Terry were waiting for news when Emma and Cleo arrived.

"What are you doing here?" Lewis said.

"Lewis, this is not the time to fight. And you are right: as friends we have to support her."

"Don't you think it's a bit late to say that?!"As Lewis said that a doctor came out with news.

"Rikki is in a bad condition. When she arrived here she was practically dead. We are doing everything in our power, but we can't promise  
anything." The doctor said.

"And what are her chances of surviving?" Lewis asked.

"I give her a 10 % chance."

"Can we see her?" Terry asked.

"No you can't, she is in intensive care, but we are going to inform you about any changes as they happen."

They passed the night there waiting for a miracle. They were almost asleep when the doctor arrived with news.

"She is out of danger now, and luckily she is physically fine."

"What do you mean by 'physically fine'?" Terry questioned.

"Well, your daughter is in a deep depression and she will need therapy to get out of this depressed state."

"Anything to get my daughter better." Terry answered as they stopped in front of Rikki's room. They saw her laying on her side.  
"Rikki, honey, I'm really sorry about before. I was really angry but believe me: I will never hate you. You are my daughter; you are the most  
important thing in my life." Terry said. But Rikki didn't answer. She didn't move. The only thing she did was let the tears fall from her eyes.

"Rikki please forgive me. I didn't mean what I said yesterday! Forgive me for slapping you, forgive me please?" Emma said but Rikki still didn't  
move. Terry put his hand on Emma's shoulder and they started to leave the room when Rikki finally spoke.

"I just wanted to die, I deserve it."

"No, Rikki, don't ever say that again." Cleo said while she held Rikki's hand, "Please forgive us, we promise we won't leave you alone again, but you have to try."

"Look, Rikki. You made a mistake, but you regret it and we forgive you. The most important thing is that God forgave you a long time ago." Lewis said.

Rikki never thought that Lewis could tell her that, because those words helped her a lot.

When she was released from the hospital Rikki received therapy. With time, she was able to get out of her depression and had moved on. She made her life better, but that didn't mean she had forgotten about her baby.

**"Mommy, 15 years have passed since that day and I still see that you regret  
that decision you made. Please stop suffering. Remember that I love you and  
that I'll be waiting for you with hugs and kisses to show you how much I love you."**


End file.
